Saturday, November 28, 2009

What Having Depression Means To Me

Here is what having depression means to me—and so much more—from my own experience.

* It means not being able to trust yourself because you cannot control how you feel;

* It means not being able to feel the slightest amount of joy;

* It means being afraid to accept who you are and open up to others for fear of judgment and rejection;

* It means asking yourself every day "is life worth living?";

* It means not being able to force a smile no matter how hard you try;

* It means having nothing to look forward to;

* It means giving up the things you once were able to do;

* It means empathizing with those who ended their lives;

* It means feeling totally isolated and alone, even in a room full of people;

* It means wishing that you could feel alive;

* It means people shying away from you from not knowing how to act towards you;

* It means being told you failed at your responsibilities and feeling worthless thereafter;

* It means being devastated by even a casual remark that upsets your ego;

* It means having people tell you "life is good", when you have no control over how you feel and blame yourself for this everyday;

* It means not knowing what it is like to feel normal;

* It means needing antidepressants to tolerate all these nameless feelings.